Dear Eleanor / one month

Dear Eleanor,

Hello sweet girl. You are one month old today. One month. How does that happen? How is it that one minute you are being placed on my chest for the first time and I am taking my first glances at your sweet face and the next it is one month later. You are so graceful and so small. And so calm.  You are the perfect example of peace. Everything you do is peaceful. From the way you move your hands so gracefully, to your bright eyes that take in so much wonder. Everything you do amazes me.
You are so different from your sister, baby girl. I love that about you. I love that you are your own person and that you are challenging me as a Mommy in new and exciting ways. You only wake up one time a night and I appreciate that about you so much. It's like you know that I need to get my rest so I can take care of you and your big sister everyday.
You are nursing so well and we are really in a groove with it. You are a porker sweet girl! You eat so well and I have had to start supplementing some formula into your diet because you like to hang out and eat for a long, long time! It makes it hard to take care of Adeline too, but you are dealing with it like a champ. You are gaining weight and your little body is filling out into a healthy, chunky, little lady. It's such a good feeling to know that I am providing for you.
You are having some issues with acid reflux, and more than once I have had to change the sheets or wash the couch cushion covers after you have thrown up everything you have eaten. I don't want you to have to go on medicine so we are trying to work it out on our own.
You like to be held and cuddled a lot and I am happy to do it! I love the way your sweet little red head rests so perfectly on my chest. I love the way you sigh so sweetly as you sleep. You have such a humble spirit.
Your big sister loves you so much. Every morning when she wakes up she runs to find you and slaps you with a big ole' kiss. She loves to hold you and wants to feed you your bottle. You love your sister too.  You get so bright eyed when you hear her voice and you deal with her 'lovings' so well.
You went to Mammaw and Pappaws for the first time this month and got to meet a lot of your aunts and uncles at your cousin Nathan's farewell party.  You didn't cry or whine at all while everyone loved on you. I can tell that you are going to be so loving.
I am in awe of you everyday. I knew that I would love you sweet girl, but I had no idea that I would love you so much. You and your sister are everything to me and I love each day that I get to wake up to you. I want to cherish each sweet little moment I have. I want you to know that I would do anything for you, and that you have been the perfect addition to our family. You have my whole heart.

Love forever,

Your Mama

A tale of two daughters

It seems just like yesterday I was writing this post about impatiently awaiting the arrive of baby Adeline and now here I am a week away from meeting baby Eleanor. 

There are a lot of emotions that come with becoming a mother again. Especially when your oldest is only 14 months old.  I have struggled with fears and anxieties about whether or not I am going to be able to be the best mother to Adeline when I have a newborn to feed and give all my attention to. I wonder if Adeline is going to be forced to grow up to fast because she is no longer the 'baby' but is now the 'big sister'.  I dream about them being super close and having the type of sisterly relationship that I missed out on because my sister is 14 years older than me.  There is so much that I wonder about. 

Finding out that I was pregnant when Adeline was just 5 months old was...in a word...surreal.  We are that couple. The ones that say "Well it took us a while to get pregnant with Adeline so this one will be the same way. I guess we are also that couple that stands in the bathroom staring at a pregnancy test with an infant on their hip and an ohmygoodness-you've got to be kidding me expression on their face.  I was overcome with so many feelings, and I don't think it makes me a horrible person to admit that excitement wasn't immediately one of them.  Fear, anxiety, and a tad bit of anger even- yes those were there. Excitement did come though.  In the weeks after finding out and after hearing her heartbeat, finding out that she was going to be a girl, discovering that she might have a club foot and then finding out that she didn't...yes, the excitement definitely grew.

And now here I am, 5 days away from meeting this sweet precious girl and I am so completely and totally, excited. And overwhelmed. And so, so, so in love with the thought of having two little girls. Am I still a little worried as to how this part of our story is going to play out? Absolutely. Do I still lay awake at night listening to Adeline's breathing and wonder if I am going to miss some of her best days because I am going to be wrapped up in her sister? Definitely. I also lay awake though and dream of matching outfits, holding hands, teaching Adeline to help with getting diapers and bottles, play time, make believe, and a future of two little girlies. 

My girls will be grown before I know it. These are the days I want to remember, because soon, I won't have time to wonder about what life will be like with two little girl because I will be busy living it.