It seems just like yesterday I was writing this post about impatiently awaiting the arrive of baby Adeline and now here I am a week away from meeting baby Eleanor.
There are a lot of emotions that come with becoming a mother again. Especially when your oldest is only 14 months old. I have struggled with fears and anxieties about whether or not I am going to be able to be the best mother to Adeline when I have a newborn to feed and give all my attention to. I wonder if Adeline is going to be forced to grow up to fast because she is no longer the 'baby' but is now the 'big sister'. I dream about them being super close and having the type of sisterly relationship that I missed out on because my sister is 14 years older than me. There is so much that I wonder about.
Finding out that I was pregnant when Adeline was just 5 months old was...in a word...surreal. We are that couple. The ones that say "Well it took us a while to get pregnant with Adeline so this one will be the same way. I guess we are also that couple that stands in the bathroom staring at a pregnancy test with an infant on their hip and an ohmygoodness-you've got to be kidding me expression on their face. I was overcome with so many feelings, and I don't think it makes me a horrible person to admit that excitement wasn't immediately one of them. Fear, anxiety, and a tad bit of anger even- yes those were there. Excitement did come though. In the weeks after finding out and after hearing her heartbeat, finding out that she was going to be a girl, discovering that she might have a club foot and then finding out that she didn't...yes, the excitement definitely grew.
And now here I am, 5 days away from meeting this sweet precious girl and I am so completely and totally, excited. And overwhelmed. And so, so, so in love with the thought of having two little girls. Am I still a little worried as to how this part of our story is going to play out? Absolutely. Do I still lay awake at night listening to Adeline's breathing and wonder if I am going to miss some of her best days because I am going to be wrapped up in her sister? Definitely. I also lay awake though and dream of matching outfits, holding hands, teaching Adeline to help with getting diapers and bottles, play time, make believe, and a future of two little girlies.
My girls will be grown before I know it. These are the days I want to remember, because soon, I won't have time to wonder about what life will be like with two little girl because I will be busy living it.
