It seems just like yesterday I was writing this post about impatiently awaiting the arrive of baby Adeline and now here I am a week away from meeting baby Eleanor.
There are a lot of emotions that come with becoming a mother again. Especially when your oldest is only 14 months old. I have struggled with fears and anxieties about whether or not I am going to be able to be the best mother to Adeline when I have a newborn to feed and give all my attention to. I wonder if Adeline is going to be forced to grow up to fast because she is no longer the 'baby' but is now the 'big sister'. I dream about them being super close and having the type of sisterly relationship that I missed out on because my sister is 14 years older than me. There is so much that I wonder about.
Finding out that I was pregnant when Adeline was just 5 months old was...in a word...surreal. We are that couple. The ones that say "Well it took us a while to get pregnant with Adeline so this one will be the same way. I guess we are also that couple that stands in the bathroom staring at a pregnancy test with an infant on their hip and an ohmygoodness-you've got to be kidding me expression on their face. I was overcome with so many feelings, and I don't think it makes me a horrible person to admit that excitement wasn't immediately one of them. Fear, anxiety, and a tad bit of anger even- yes those were there. Excitement did come though. In the weeks after finding out and after hearing her heartbeat, finding out that she was going to be a girl, discovering that she might have a club foot and then finding out that she didn't...yes, the excitement definitely grew.
And now here I am, 5 days away from meeting this sweet precious girl and I am so completely and totally, excited. And overwhelmed. And so, so, so in love with the thought of having two little girls. Am I still a little worried as to how this part of our story is going to play out? Absolutely. Do I still lay awake at night listening to Adeline's breathing and wonder if I am going to miss some of her best days because I am going to be wrapped up in her sister? Definitely. I also lay awake though and dream of matching outfits, holding hands, teaching Adeline to help with getting diapers and bottles, play time, make believe, and a future of two little girlies.
My girls will be grown before I know it. These are the days I want to remember, because soon, I won't have time to wonder about what life will be like with two little girl because I will be busy living it.
I believe Grandma Back had baby girls 10 months apart. That was Landen's great grandma. She survived and went on to raise them to be wonderful adults. I can see her now with her twinkling eyes and a big smile for everyone. She always kept her sense of humor and did not let the circumstances get her down. She was a devout Christian.
ReplyDeleteTrust in the Lord and let Him guide you. Everything will be okay. My two oldest girls are almost exactly 2 years apart and have always been wonderful friends. I didn't have any sister so it has brought me so much joy to watch them together. Now my oldest girl will be leaving for college this fall and the younger one is going to be lost. Don't fret and worry, that will only steal your joy. Cast your care on Him and enjoy your beautiful girls!! Congratulations and God bless you and your family!!
ReplyDeleteMy first two are eighteen months apart and I had the same worries as you. But everything has worked out beautifully and they are super close. So don't worry! There will always be enough Mama to go around!
ReplyDeleteYour post brought back a lot of memories. My son was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. (we were also "that" couple - :) ) I actually grieved for awhile that I would not get to enjoy my son's baby years like I had planned. And, to be honest, the first 2 years were kind of a blur. However, I do have some precious memories and would not change a thing. I love that they are so close in age and know each other so well. They are now 15 and 16 years old, which astounds me. Your daughters will have an amazing relationship because of their close ages. Enjoy it all!
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