Friday, September 23, 2011

I never liked roller coasters...

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not someone that thrives on Amusement Parks.
Don't get me wrong, I love Dollywood in TN, mostly because they have things other than just topsy, whirly, twirly, stomach flipping, rides.
Kings Island and I are not that attracted to each other.
I have never like roller coasters. There is nothing about traveling slowly up a steep incline only to have my stomach rammed into my throat that appeals to me. I've tried them, I promise I have, and every single time I survive the trip to the end I remind myself all over again that I will NEVER ride another stupid roller coaster-ever!

The month of August was the ultimate roller coaster for me. Well it actually started the end of July, but we'll get back to that...
You may remember from this post that my grandma passed away suddenly August 1st.
The post that came from the emotions I felt that day speak the words that I couldn't say of how I felt at that moment in my life. I felt like such a huge piece of my life had been taken out. My emotions were already on overdrive before this happened and when God took her home to be with Him, it just felt like my world was closing in around me.
Not having a grandparent left is a weird feeling that I am still trying to understand. When people talk about their grandparents it kind of hits me like a fist to the gut that I don't have any anymore. My grandma was one of those people that always understood exactly what you were saying and was ready to give advice whenever you needed it.
Pulling out of my grandma's drive-way that last time was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. It was like I was leaving all these memories up on that hill and it just didn't make sense that I could no longer "go to mammaw and pappaw's".

Just like with every loss though you get back to a routine and things become normal again....

For our family, normalcy only lasted a few short weeks.
On August 29th my cousin Kevin passed away. He was only 43 years old and to say that it happened suddenly is an understatement. To top things off this loss occurred on the exact same side of the family as my mammaw. He was the oldest grandchild of all of us. The feeling of switching from dealing with the loss of a grandma to the loss of a cousin was just too much to bear. I still can't believe he is gone. My family will never be the same and all of the loss has been so great that we are all just a little numb. I started work that day and with it being my first week of school I was politely advised that it wouldn't be a "wise decision" to miss days on my first week of work. This didn't come from anyone at school but I was so afraid to take off that I wasn't able to make it to the funeral.

All of this sadness has effected my family in so many ways and in the words of my mom "we were beginning to wonder what God is going to throw at us next".

Little did they know what God was doing behind the scenes...

The day before mammaw died Landen and I found out that we are going to be parents. We were able to keep it a secret from everyone all during the funeral and after Kevin passed away. We waited until Labor Day weekend when we moved into our house and my parents came to visit and told all of our parents at the same time. It was such an exciting time coming at the end of such heartache.

So like I said....the month of August was nothing short of an emotional roller-coaster. Between finding out I'm pregnant, losing my mammaw, losing my cousin, starting a new job, and moving into a new house (in that order) we have been living minute to minute.
Hopefully I can go into more detail about everything that has been happening into our lives a little more later. I want to thank all of you for hanging in there with me during this last month and for the encouraging words you have shown me.
I can't wait to share more about Baby O and all of the exciting things we are feeling and experiencing...and all about the nursery decor of course!

You guys are great!

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